So, Matt and I are going to a (small) dinner party tonight, with two other couples. Who have young children. Before we were married we hardly ever did things 'with other couples', or only accidentally because they were part of our group of friends anyway. But first there was the barbecue entirely composed of marrieds and their children, and now this. There really is like a secret society that we now have the password to! Whether we want it or not. I feel like Bridget Jones even though I'm not single. As long as nobody says 'ticktock' to me at any point... (I know this is silly as we have only been married a month and could hardly be expected to produce perfect little fruits of our union YET, or not legitimate ones... but still.)

Tags: coupledom

11:21

. . .

Having just read this article I now feel sick and sad all over again, and like I just want to run away somewhere. I really think that after I finish my MA (if I ever do which frankly right now seems unachievable) I need to go abroad for a while to work, somewhere quiet and sane and NOT HERE, where I can do something worthwhile and believe in humanity again. I don't know if it will happen though.

10:48

. . .

Book 45: Love in Idleness by Charlotte Mendelson
Slightly claustrophobic, but briefly fascinating, novel about someone who's so bored after leaving university that the only course of action seems to be to develop an unhealthy sexual obsession with her own aunt. As you do.

Book 46: A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian by Marina Lewycka
From the title (which had burrowed itself into my brain through being heavily advertised in newspapers), I somehow expected this book to be more... odd. More sort of surreal and Russian. In fact it was a slightly disappointing family drama, though perhaps lifted above the average by the mad, mercenary immigrant Valentina as she terrorises her elderly, hapless new husband (who is writing the history of tractors to which the title refers.)

Book 47: P.O.S.H and Other Language Myths by Michael Quinion
An interesting but ultimately unsatisfying book, consisting of short alphabetised entries on the 'etymythology' of words and phrases. In other words it's debunking the 'stories we tell about the words we use', which apparently are mostly a load of rubbish developed either through communal confusion or by inventive people with too much time on their hands. Unfortunately, the true origins of most of these words remain unknown, which leaves the reader feeling a bit cheated and perhaps like we preferred the fake explanation to no explanation at all...

Book 48: The Understudy by David Nicholls
Nicholls used to be an actor before becoming a screenwriter (Cold Feet etc) and novelist, and this book obviously draws on that experience. Cleverly, he wrote his first novel about something other than acting (University Challenge, to be precise), otherwise it might have been easier to dismiss him as only able to write about his own profession. But in any case he does that very well - The Understudy is a funny, potentially frothy story peopled with realistic, almost tragic, characters and the combination works perfectly.

Tags: 50 Book Challenge

09:40

. . .

Life is feeling a bit more real, a bit easier, but a lot sadder. No chance it was all a bad dream now, just got to get back to thanking whatever there is to be thanked for what good things remain in my life, and there are many. I don't suppose that Rob or the Daplyn family feel like counting blessings much yet, but at least they have the memory of a truly fantastic person to hold on to.

I went to London on Rob's birthday last week, another slightly schizophrenic experience, both lovely and painful (and I'm sure very strange for the man himself despite the striving for normality via much beer and cake). And given how scared I was taking a one-off bus trip to Piccadilly Circus, I can't imagine how people are managing to commute as normal. You do what you have to, I guess.

I've had many conversations, inevitably, about the politics, the policing, the causes, the consequences. I don't want to feel like I can't engage with the ideas, just because I've been personally affected for once. On the other hand I find it very hard to trust myself, and I tend to get easily upset - because normally these would seem like almost abstract discussions, and now they're not. So I don't think I'll be discussing it much here either.

Meanwhile, Matt and I had the first relaxed weekend since the wedding, really, aided by large quantities of Dark Star Hophead and a new risotto recipe.

15:01

. . .